I live, as we all do, one day at a time. The days pass one by one and they just keep on passing. But it seems like the days are passing me by. The things that I want to accomplish and who I want to be seem to be forever pushed into tomorrow, next week, next month. I accomplish so much and, yet, it feels like I am accomplishing so little. Beth Kephart, who reviewed Jane Smiley’s new book, Some Luck, got me thinking about these things.

Actually, I have been thinking about these things for quite some time. However, for some reason, reading Kephart’s words today motivated me to open my laptop and start typing this post. It happened as I was reading her book review of Smiley’s new book in the October 5, 2014 edition of Printers Row. I got to the last paragraph and it seemed to speak to me. (My startled awake moment.) Based on Kephart’s review, this book seems to simply be about life itself. Kephart’s review of Smiley’s book, “The plot? Life itself?” ended with the conclusion that “We age. That is our plot. We grow older and time moves through us, and this is hardly, Smiley proves here, small stuff. We read these lives, and we find our own.” Then, I reread the beginning of the article. Her review started with the following sentence: “Life is one thing and then another, one day and soon the next, ambition superseded by surprise, desire thwarted by the reality we didn’t forecast.” (My second startled awake moment.)

I started my StartledAwake blog on June 24, 2014, eagerly wrote two entries, loved doing it, and then, as so many of you already know … nothing.

I could say that life got in the way. More honestly, I could say that work got in the way. Or, if I am really honest, I should admit that I let work get in the way. I have thought a lot of about that. Why did I let work take over much of my life this summer? More importantly, why didn’t I blog? I dragged my laptop to Nassau in mid-July with the intent of blogging each night. I didn’t. So, what gives? In large part, it dawned on me that people (you) were actually reading what I wrote. I am a nonfiction writer and have been for about twenty years. I’ve written over 50 books (mostly softcover study guides and instructors manuals to accompany textbooks). Students read them. (Well, at least I hope that some college-level accounting students actually read their study guides after having mom and dad pay for them.) Regardless, I would have thought that I was certainly comfortable with the fact that people read what I wrote. Then, I realized that writing about myself is certainly different than writing about debits and credits. Anyway, I will now admit (to you and to me) that it’s scary. I am doing my level-best to put that fear aside.

But, back to work. I definitely accomplished a lot work-wise. In the last three months, I completed two difficult and terribly complicated projects. Without getting into the boring details, my LinkedIn profile describes my writing these days as “developing digital content to enable accounting students to learn more effectively using online, interactive platforms. (As an aside, even though hard cover textbooks still sell at the college-level, textbook supplements are all moving online. Although I still write a few of those softcover books, and even finished one earlier this year, they are being discontinued.) One project related to an accounting textbook that has 27 chapters; the other has 15. So, on July 5, when I finished the work that related to that first chapter, I had 41 chapters left to go. Then, as July and August progressed, I had 40 chapters, 39, 38, 37, etc. The “terribly complicated” part related to the fact that the two projects were running concurrently and had overlapping due dates. Well, I finally finished the two projects. The work relating to the 42 chapters is done. And, yet, in the meantime, more projects await me.

If I am not careful, I will get back in the rut I’ve been in and you won’t hear from me for another three months. I must be careful.

My challenge is to get myself on a schedule so that I can meet my work deadlines and, yet, also do the things that matter to me. Like blogging. Like getting more exercise with my now 9-month old puppy, Maggie (rather than taking her to doggie day care two afternoons a week so she gets enough exercise). Like spending time with my children. Like hanging out with friends. Like learning to play tennis. Like acknowledging and being kind to people I pass on the street. (I try, but often just put my head down and scurry.) And, oh, yes … like having a life. Although I want to formalize my “Big 5 for Life” (more on that at a later date), the things listed above are my ambitions right now; ambitions that I have allowed to be “superseded” and “thwarted by the reality” of my actual everyday life.

I work from home. It sounds lovely, right? You may even be jealous. Yes, I can work whenever I want without washing my hair, without putting on makeup, without paying dry cleaning bills. The real drawback, though, is that it’s a lonely life; just me and Maggie for the most part. I went from seeing 80 – 100 18-year olds every day as a college professor to seeing … no one. I often pick up the phone to talk to my editors instead of just emailing them. I am so overjoyed when they answer and so disappointed when they don’t! (Gosh. I can only hope that they don’t hear my desperate yearning for human contact every time I call.)

The other drawback, which has gotten to be a bigger problem, really, is that I don’t have to be anywhere at 9:00 am. I can sleep in if I want. (It sounds so cool, doesn’t it?) And, I have always been a night owl. So, let’s say that I can sleep in until 11 am, shower, walk the dog, and finally start working around 1 pm. I then work until dinnertime, eat, maybe workout, and then get back to work. (I have deadlines and, so, the work must get done and it does. My editors love the fact that I don’t miss deadlines.) Now it’s 10 and I am wound up. So, I watch something or read until 11 pm or even midnight, which puts me past the time that I am able to easily fall asleep, meaning that insomnia often sets in. When that happens, I don’t fall asleep until 3 or 4. But, that’s OK, right? I can sleep in. The cycle begins … wash and repeat. Somehow, I have to break free of that cycle.

So, here’s a thought. What if I actually have to be somewhere most mornings? I am thinking that this will help me get the day started so that I can actually work during the day and have time in the evenings for the other, non-work things I want in life. So, hoping that this might be the answer, I just bought two Groupons; each is an unlimited one-month pass to a yoga studio in my neighborhood. My plan is to activate one so that I can sign up for yoga classes three or so mornings a week, do that for a month, and then activate the other, and do that for another month. I am hoping that two solid months will get me onto a better schedule, one that helps me live the life that I really do want to live. And, given that I have two big trips planned in the spring (more on those at later dates), being in great physical shape is high on the list. As they say, “two birds with one stone.”

Friends have suggested that I work at a coffee shop to get out and be with people. That is easier said than done. I can take my laptop with me, but often need to use two monitors, which keeps me tied to my desk at home in my office. I think the key right now is to get on a schedule. I’m sure hoping that this yoga plan does that. Fingers crossed. (Do you work from home? If so, what works for you? If this yoga plan doesn’t work, I’ll need your ideas!)

I had lunch with a good friend not too long ago. I was so disappointed in myself because I let my desire to blog be superseded by work. I was shocked when I realized that I had let three months slip by. She commented that blogging is like exercise; an astute observation! You do it steadily and then, for some reason, stop, only to find it’s so hard to get started again. I get that. I was sick with a nasty virus these past two weeks and, other than walking Maggie, really haven’t exercised at all. Well, I actually worked out for an hour this morning and I am blogging tonight. Score!

Tomorrow is Monday. It’s a day that I don’t want to just pass by. Thankfully, I have to be up early to accept a furniture delivery. (And, given tomorrow’s furniture delivery, I will put in a plug for Restoration Hardware. I bought a teak outdoor table from them about 11 months ago. It developed a small crack, which I noticed just a few weeks ago. Within 3 minutes of calling their customer service line, I was assured that they would simply replace it. No questions asked. I am now their loyal customer for life.)

While I am thinking of it (and so I will be able to find it later), yet another sentence mid-way through Kephart’s article caused yet another startled awake moment. “We’ll never stop hearing the ticking of the clock.” I feel like my clock is ticking so very much louder these days after the sudden death of a very good friend in September. (And, given the tears that still spill, even now, that’s obviously a subject of a different blog post on a different day.) Soon, I promise. (I am making that promise to myself rather than making it to you.)