Yoga

That Kind of Girl

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While I was walking to meet my trainer for an hour-long session tonight, I passed a bookstore. The title of one of the books in the window caught my eye (my startled awake moment). The cover read: “Not That Kind of Girl.” That got me thinking about what kind of girl I am and what kind of girl I want to be. (Thinking about your life is not necessarily a good thing to do while boxing; thinking about boxing is what you should be doing while boxing.)

I am holding my little sister (at my birthday party???)

I am holding my little sister (at my birthday party???)

Here I am at what appears to be a birthday party for me (or perhaps cake after dinner). Because I am holding my little sister (who is also my goddaughter), I am guessing there are 18 candles on that cake and, so, I am about to graduate from high school. (It’s hard for me to believe that I am actually sharing this picture with you! I hope I had really big hair once those curlers came out.) Because my mother is still alive and would (might?) be shocked by the shenanigans I pulled, I won’t share the mischief (such a nice, generic word) that I got into with my two best friends that year. However, as a girl who attended Catholic grade school and went to mass every Sunday, even I knew that it it was wrong to be “that kind of girl!” I am guessing that the meaning back in the 70’s still holds true today.

So, what kind of girl do I want to be now that I am 60?

  • I want to be the strong and carefree girl who is portrayed by the statue on the top of this building at Chicago and the river.
  • I want to be the girl who is so healthy that she breezes through the next forty years of life.
  • I want to be the girl who takes a scuba diving vacation in Fiji and then heads to South Africa for a photo safari (both planned for 2015) and then … decides to see the rest of the world.
  • I want to be the girl who embraces change and always believes anything is possible.
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The art deco statue on top of the One River Place building in Chicago.

Doing yoga at the zoo this summer. (Those are my toes.)

Looking at my toes and the sky while doing yoga at Lincoln Park Zoo this summer.

Seahorses pictured at the Shedd Aquarium (and hopefully in Fiji)

Seahorses at the Shedd Aquarium (that I hope to see in Fiji).

Exercise, Hobbies, and Doing It Once

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Charles Schultz got me thinking about “doing it once.” Reading one of his “Classic Peanuts” comic strips got me to rethink my commitment to getting healthy through boxing, tennis, and yoga. It also made me reminisce about my too long-ago attempts at watercolor and stained glass.

The other day, I came across a “Classic Peanuts” cartoon. (I had torn it out of the Tribune a week or so ago and it’s been hiding under my laptop.) Linus, who did all of the talking in the four frames, was leaning on a wall next to Charlie Brown. In the first frame, Linus tells Charlie Brown that his father had started a new exercise program. In the second, he says that his father runs a mile every morning but then says that he cannot always get up to do it every morning. In the third frame, he says that “Sometime things come up and he’s had to miss a few mornings.” He then comments that “You know how it is ...” In the last frame, Linus exclaims “Actually, he’s done it once!” (My startled awake moment.) How often have I “done it once?”

In my last blog post, I compared blogging to exercise. Now, I am wondering if this is a broader commentary on life. But, let’s start with exercising.

My boxing gloves

My boxing gloves

I belong to an athletic club in my neighborhood and, rather infrequently, go to the classes, which are actually free with my membership. However, I do religiously work out at least three times a week with a personal trainer. We usually box for ½ hour (yes, I have my own gloves; they’re teal blue!) and then do ½ hour of strength and cardio training. I’ve been doing this for quite a few months now. While doing so increases the cost of my gym membership, I find that I do show up and work much harder than I do in the classes. I guess it’s because I am more accountable when someone is staring right at me. It’s easier to “hide” and take a lot of breaks in a class. I’ve been thinking of dropping down to working out with my trainer twice a week and then showing up for at least one class a week. That’s a thought … being a bit more self-motivated would save me money in the long-run. I am rereading what I just wrote, but realize that I am not convinced that I will make it to a class anytime soon. (I’m just being honest.) However, this would be a good goal.

Maggie has claimed this tennis ball.

Maggie has claimed this tennis ball.

Last month, in an attempt to get myself up and moving in the mornings, I signed up for tennis lessons through the Chicago Park District (Tennis on the Lake). I had signed up for four weeks of 9:00 – 10:30 am lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays. The night before they started, I got a call from the program director who informed me that my class had been cancelled, but that there were openings in the 7:30 – 9:00 pm class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Of course, I had already bought a nice racquet and had convinced myself that I did want to learn how to play tennis and, so, I said yes. We’re just finishing up the third week of lessons. While I am thoroughly enjoyed learning how to play tennis and am getting some cardiovascular work in, the lessons are outdoors near the Lake (and Chicago’s weather has not been all that nice this fall), I don’t get home until 9:30 pm and am all jazzed up, which does not bode well for getting to sleep early (and avoiding insomnia). Well, as Linus says, you know how it is. We’ve got one week to go. I have shown up for all of the lessons and plan to attend next week. So, it’s not that I’ve “only done it once.” It’s that I am afraid that I might just finish up the four weeks of lessons and my nice tennis racquet might then gather dust and ultimately go into storage with my rollerblades. Finding someone (ideally a beginner) to play with might turn this into a hobby instead of just a passing fancy.

My yoga mat

My yoga mat

As you may know, I did recently purchase two Groupons for four-weeks of unlimited yoga at two different studios. I found a CorePower location that is not too far away and went yesterday to my first beginning yoga class. The stretching part was great. The balancing part was challenging (although I caught myself every time and did not actually fall over). However, I was rather surprised that I sweated as much as I did; thankfully, they handed me a towel as I walked in. Only afterwards did I realize that this studio practices “hot” yoga. The room was warmed to 85 degrees! Apparently, the classes get hotter temperature-wise as you advance through the levels. (The room used for the next level is 90 degrees with 25-30% humidity and the room for the next level is 98 degrees also with 25-30% humidity. I am definitely a summer person; I love the heat. Admittedly, it’s really physically-challenging at the moment, but based on how soaked I was as I left, I am guessing that I will be in the beginner’s class for quite some time. The good news is that I went back today. I received one free week of unlimited classes before activating my four-weeks. At the moment, I am committed to going at least four times each week. It will be interesting to see if I can achieve this goal. Given that I have a second four-week unlimited Groupon for a different studio in the area (which I need to activate immediately after this one expires), I may actually come to love yoga (meaning that I will actually be able to do it without embarrassing myself by not being able to keep my balance). This plan just might work.

Leaving exercise behind (at least until it is time to leave for the gym later), I have been thinking about other things that I started but didn’t continue with in life.

Best watercolor attempt.

Best watercolor attempt.

Many years ago, I took watercolor lessons. I even have one of my paintings hanging in my kitchen. Watercolor is something that I love to hate. Watercolor is so unpredictable; the type of paper, the quantity of water mixed with the paint, and the humidity all combine to make it something that cannot be controlled. And, as the oldest of seven, I grew up wanting to be in control. Being unable to control it was the part I hated. However, when I did it, I really was able to live in the moment. I could lose myself in what I was painting and not think about the past, current, or future. That was the part I loved. When I moved last fall, I found the plastic bin with my paint. They’re here in a closet (rather than far away in a storage unit). I hope to find the time to take up this hobby again. I don’t want this to be “something I did once.” I need to carve out the time. Even though doing so does not seem possible now, perhaps a good goal would be next summer.

My collection of stained glass

My collection of stained glass

Years ago, I also took stained glass lessons. I don’t have something I made hanging here. It was a struggle for me. I got pretty good at cutting the glass but just couldn’t get the hang of soldering. I wanted the solder to look perfect as I applied it. Even though I know that soldering can be messy and still look fine, I just wasn’t happy with my efforts. And, when I moved, I also put that plastic bin with my glass and other equipment here in a closet. I have gathered lots of sea glass over the years and would like to incorporate it into pieces of stained glass. (A good friend who lives in Rhode Island does just that.) So, I also don’t want this to be “something I did once.” I think finding a soldering class might be the solution. Perhaps if I just concentrated on the soldering part, I could feel accomplished enough to turn back to stained glass. That’s an idea.

And, then, there is this. I looked at it and cannot find a name anywhere. It was something I bought after seeing an infomercial. It has been sitting by my couch since I moved in here last fall. It sat by my couch when I lived in Streeterville. Theoretically, I would grab the ends with both hands and shake it behind my head while watching television. My arms would be so toned! This is definitely a “done it once” thing.

It sits by my couch.

It sits by my couch.

I guess picking it up and using it would be a start.

Am I Letting the Days Pass Me By?

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I live, as we all do, one day at a time. The days pass one by one and they just keep on passing. But it seems like the days are passing me by. The things that I want to accomplish and who I want to be seem to be forever pushed into tomorrow, next week, next month. I accomplish so much and, yet, it feels like I am accomplishing so little. Beth Kephart, who reviewed Jane Smiley’s new book, Some Luck, got me thinking about these things.

Actually, I have been thinking about these things for quite some time. However, for some reason, reading Kephart’s words today motivated me to open my laptop and start typing this post. It happened as I was reading her book review of Smiley’s new book in the October 5, 2014 edition of Printers Row. I got to the last paragraph and it seemed to speak to me. (My startled awake moment.) Based on Kephart’s review, this book seems to simply be about life itself. Kephart’s review of Smiley’s book, “The plot? Life itself?” ended with the conclusion that “We age. That is our plot. We grow older and time moves through us, and this is hardly, Smiley proves here, small stuff. We read these lives, and we find our own.” Then, I reread the beginning of the article. Her review started with the following sentence: “Life is one thing and then another, one day and soon the next, ambition superseded by surprise, desire thwarted by the reality we didn’t forecast.” (My second startled awake moment.)

I started my StartledAwake blog on June 24, 2014, eagerly wrote two entries, loved doing it, and then, as so many of you already know … nothing.

I could say that life got in the way. More honestly, I could say that work got in the way. Or, if I am really honest, I should admit that I let work get in the way. I have thought a lot of about that. Why did I let work take over much of my life this summer? More importantly, why didn’t I blog? I dragged my laptop to Nassau in mid-July with the intent of blogging each night. I didn’t. So, what gives? In large part, it dawned on me that people (you) were actually reading what I wrote. I am a nonfiction writer and have been for about twenty years. I’ve written over 50 books (mostly softcover study guides and instructors manuals to accompany textbooks). Students read them. (Well, at least I hope that some college-level accounting students actually read their study guides after having mom and dad pay for them.) Regardless, I would have thought that I was certainly comfortable with the fact that people read what I wrote. Then, I realized that writing about myself is certainly different than writing about debits and credits. Anyway, I will now admit (to you and to me) that it’s scary. I am doing my level-best to put that fear aside.

But, back to work. I definitely accomplished a lot work-wise. In the last three months, I completed two difficult and terribly complicated projects. Without getting into the boring details, my LinkedIn profile describes my writing these days as “developing digital content to enable accounting students to learn more effectively using online, interactive platforms. (As an aside, even though hard cover textbooks still sell at the college-level, textbook supplements are all moving online. Although I still write a few of those softcover books, and even finished one earlier this year, they are being discontinued.) One project related to an accounting textbook that has 27 chapters; the other has 15. So, on July 5, when I finished the work that related to that first chapter, I had 41 chapters left to go. Then, as July and August progressed, I had 40 chapters, 39, 38, 37, etc. The “terribly complicated” part related to the fact that the two projects were running concurrently and had overlapping due dates. Well, I finally finished the two projects. The work relating to the 42 chapters is done. And, yet, in the meantime, more projects await me.

If I am not careful, I will get back in the rut I’ve been in and you won’t hear from me for another three months. I must be careful.

I sometimes make the mistake of letting her drag big sticks home!

I sometimes make the mistake of letting her drag big sticks home!

My challenge is to get myself on a schedule so that I can meet my work deadlines and, yet, also do the things that matter to me. Like blogging. Like getting more exercise with my now 9-month old puppy, Maggie (rather than taking her to doggie day care two afternoons a week so she gets enough exercise). Like spending time with my children. Like hanging out with friends. Like learning to play tennis. Like acknowledging and being kind to people I pass on the street. (I try, but often just put my head down and scurry.) And, oh, yes … like having a life. Although I want to formalize my “Big 5 for Life” (more on that at a later date), the things listed above are my ambitions right now; ambitions that I have allowed to be “superseded” and “thwarted by the reality” of my actual everyday life.

I work from home. It sounds lovely, right? You may even be jealous. Yes, I can work whenever I want without washing my hair, without putting on makeup, without paying dry cleaning bills. The real drawback, though, is that it’s a lonely life; just me and Maggie for the most part. I went from seeing 80 – 100 18-year olds every day as a college professor to seeing … no one. I often pick up the phone to talk to my editors instead of just emailing them. I am so overjoyed when they answer and so disappointed when they don’t! (Gosh. I can only hope that they don’t hear my desperate yearning for human contact every time I call.)

The other drawback, which has gotten to be a bigger problem, really, is that I don’t have to be anywhere at 9:00 am. I can sleep in if I want. (It sounds so cool, doesn’t it?) And, I have always been a night owl. So, let’s say that I can sleep in until 11 am, shower, walk the dog, and finally start working around 1 pm. I then work until dinnertime, eat, maybe workout, and then get back to work. (I have deadlines and, so, the work must get done and it does. My editors love the fact that I don’t miss deadlines.) Now it’s 10 and I am wound up. So, I watch something or read until 11 pm or even midnight, which puts me past the time that I am able to easily fall asleep, meaning that insomnia often sets in. When that happens, I don’t fall asleep until 3 or 4. But, that’s OK, right? I can sleep in. The cycle begins … wash and repeat. Somehow, I have to break free of that cycle.

So, here’s a thought. What if I actually have to be somewhere most mornings? I am thinking that this will help me get the day started so that I can actually work during the day and have time in the evenings for the other, non-work things I want in life. So, hoping that this might be the answer, I just bought two Groupons; each is an unlimited one-month pass to a yoga studio in my neighborhood. My plan is to activate one so that I can sign up for yoga classes three or so mornings a week, do that for a month, and then activate the other, and do that for another month. I am hoping that two solid months will get me onto a better schedule, one that helps me live the life that I really do want to live. And, given that I have two big trips planned in the spring (more on those at later dates), being in great physical shape is high on the list. As they say, “two birds with one stone.”

Friends have suggested that I work at a coffee shop to get out and be with people. That is easier said than done. I can take my laptop with me, but often need to use two monitors, which keeps me tied to my desk at home in my office. I think the key right now is to get on a schedule. I’m sure hoping that this yoga plan does that. Fingers crossed. (Do you work from home? If so, what works for you? If this yoga plan doesn’t work, I’ll need your ideas!)

I had lunch with a good friend not too long ago. I was so disappointed in myself because I let my desire to blog be superseded by work. I was shocked when I realized that I had let three months slip by. She commented that blogging is like exercise; an astute observation! You do it steadily and then, for some reason, stop, only to find it’s so hard to get started again. I get that. I was sick with a nasty virus these past two weeks and, other than walking Maggie, really haven’t exercised at all. Well, I actually worked out for an hour this morning and I am blogging tonight. Score!

RH website picture. I live close to Lake Michigan; not this close!

RH website picture. I live close to Lake Michigan; not this close!

Tomorrow is Monday. It’s a day that I don’t want to just pass by. Thankfully, I have to be up early to accept a furniture delivery. (And, given tomorrow’s furniture delivery, I will put in a plug for Restoration Hardware. I bought a teak outdoor table from them about 11 months ago. It developed a small crack, which I noticed just a few weeks ago. Within 3 minutes of calling their customer service line, I was assured that they would simply replace it. No questions asked. I am now their loyal customer for life.)

While I am thinking of it (and so I will be able to find it later), yet another sentence mid-way through Kephart’s article caused yet another startled awake moment. “We’ll never stop hearing the ticking of the clock.” I feel like my clock is ticking so very much louder these days after the sudden death of a very good friend in September. (And, given the tears that still spill, even now, that’s obviously a subject of a different blog post on a different day.) Soon, I promise. (I am making that promise to myself rather than making it to you.)